Day 93: Recovery and Reflections
Earlier this week, I had an amazing night. I saw Tom Petty with 5 girlfriends that I haven’t seen in 12 years. It was amazing, and even better than I thought it could be. If I were still drinking, this...
View ArticleDay 97: Recovery and Reflections
I am exhausted. On Day 90, I mused about my upcoming week and its built-in hurdles. I wondered if it was my 90 day test: dinner and a concert with girlfriends I haven’t seen in 12 years, a 3 day …...
View ArticleDay 100: Recovery and Reflections
100 days. In the span of a lifetime, 100 days is a blink. However these past 100 days for me have been filled with more self improvement and reflection than I’ve done during my lifetime. These past...
View ArticleChef Mental Rollercoaster
It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but I used to be Chef Mental Rollercoaster. I left the boozy world of restaurants years ago, but I spent 10 years training, cooking, scrubbing pots, owning,...
View ArticleDay 108: Recovery and Reflections
I’ve been reflecting a lot this week. Sobriety has been easy; the urge to drink has been low. Because I’ve been here before, in the middle of the “drinking, not drinking, back to drinking” cycle many...
View ArticleDay 119: Recovery & Re-counting
Complex mathematics has never been my strong-suit. However I thought that I had a good grasp of basic counting. 1, 2, 3, carry on… Apparently I was wrong! My sobriety count was off by a few days....
View ArticleSingular Sensation: Sobriety
Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation If one experience or life change results from you writing your blog, what would you like it to be? My goal for this blog from the beginning has been to give myself a...
View ArticleDear Mom
It’s taken me a long time to be able to admit that I’m an alcoholic. I’ve shied away from that label for more than 10 years because I didn’t want to believe I was “that person.” After many failed...
View ArticleDay 126: Recovery and Reflections
It’s tiring putting this much effort into existing. Sure, life was difficult as a functioning alcoholic too, but right now I’m having trouble believing it was more difficult than life today....
View ArticleCan’t Identify the Feeling
I’m sitting at my desk, surrounded by tasks but unable to get started on any of them. My mind is darting from one thought to another, so quickly that when I try to remember how I got to one, I …...
View ArticleReactive vs. Proactive Medicine
“Our healthcare system is broken” is what a friend has written over and over in her blog that chronicled her experience in the final months of her husband’s life. Her husband may not have died as a...
View ArticleDay 138: Recovery and Reflections
I can’t feel my heart. When I was drinking, I was always aware of it beating. Sometimes it beat too quickly, sometimes too slowly, but it always beat hard. It’s strange to lay still and not feel it...
View ArticleAssessing My Inner Narcissus
At times it’s difficult to discern which aspect of my mental defectiveness is causing a current mood. Am I diving head-first into a new project that I will likely lose interest in before it’s done,...
View ArticleDay 143: Recovery and Reflections
I haven’t attended an AA meeting in about a month. My therapist says this is a red flag. While I don’t disagree, I am still struggling with whether or not AA is for me. On my bike ride this morning,...
View ArticleStepping Away From Ego
I recently blogged about my concern of being self-absorbed in these early months of sobriety. I’ve been putting so much time and effort towards changing myself and my daily routine that I worry about...
View ArticleDay 149: Recovery and Reflections
Tomorrow is day 150 of sobriety. I want to make it past 150 days. On day 150, I will be going out of town for a beloved cousin’s wedding. I am ridiculously happy for her. She is in her mid-thirties...
View ArticleRecovery and Reflections: Mental Spiral
I’ve tossed out several long winded attempts before arriving at this published post. I’m sinking and I don’t know how to express it. I’m getting ahead of myself and allowing my thoughts to spiral...
View ArticleScenery, Not Seen
Daily Prompt: Standout When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork? I do not feel comfortable being the...
View ArticleRecovery and Reflections: Upping the Commitment
5 years ago, my father-in-law died after cancer’s second war became too mighty. During the first war with cancer, he and I spent a lot of time together. Because he lived on a farm, an hour’s drive...
View ArticleBargaining With The Clock
There are 7 urgent items waiting for me at work on Monday. Things that should have been done days or weeks ago. My car’s license plates expired 2 weeks ago. Last year, when I let this happen, I also...
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